Method:

1. First we need to make some patties. Get the best quality beef mince you can get your hands on, or ideally, go to the butcher you trust and get a piece from the shoulder part of the sacred cow. Funnily, that is pretty cheap as well.

2. Grab a bowl and mix the raw mince meat with one egg, plenty of salt and pepper, a dash of brown sauce, and a generous dash of toasted breadcrumbs (if you make your own buns, sacrifice one, toast it really well and grind it into crumbs).

3. Form some succulent big patties that just want to be eaten. You know you’re on the right way when the patty feels meaty and big, sticking well together – alternatively, if you want to go old-school, you can also just use the meat, unseasoned, untampered. Nice thin patties, ideally frozen and then directly thrown on the sizzling grill or pan!

4. Now, as previously mentioned, you can make your own buns if you want to, which is in my opinion one of the greatest fun of making burgers in first place – but who has time to do that? Still, you can get beautiful buns from the local bakery, if such exists near you. Some rumours from the early 2010s even say that you can use sweet donuts as well…

5. From here on it’s all about prepping:

• Mayo. Self-made is easy and quick, just add a high quality olive oil and an egg yolk and stir it until it’s jello. If you want to go fancy and want to make a whole lot of mayo: get a goose’s egg from a farm shop (there’s one in Herne Hill) and this will create awe and a sensational taste.
• Swiss mustard.
• Cut some red onions very thin.
• Cut the romaine…. Not too thin, actually. You want to cut them into strings by peeling every leaf like it’s expensive parchment, roll it up, and cut them into good strips, you’ll know when they’re right. Add a dash of salt, pepper, olive oil and a bit of apple cider vinegar – you’ll thank me later.
• Cut the cheese into good blades, not too thin.
• Cut the gherkins ideally thin as well, but here you can really show your creativity. Cut them thin, cut them into shapes, heck, put them as a whole on your top bun, I don’t care. Taste will be great nonetheless!

6. Patties in the pan or on the grill, don’t mess this one up! Dash of salt and pepper once it’s ready.

7. Buns into a pan or a toaster just for a little. Once the buns are readily toasted, give it what it needs: mayo on bottom bun, then a bed of lettuce.

8. Add the perfectly medium patty. Let it rest for a moment on that bed of lettuce. Add some cheese to cool it off.

9. Prepare the top bun with mayo and mustard, fight the urge to add more sauces. Keep it simple! What good is it to spoil the ingredients with too much? Well… This one if for pros only. If you’re of the faint of heart, don’t cross this line. Add egg and yolk (or just crack one into the pan), not a fried egg, but a fried “crushed yolk” egg.

10. Now comes the real magic. You take the top bun, put it gently on the bottom burger and with a gentle yet decisive push you merge them together. Now it’s a burger ready to be served.

From this point on, it’s all free game. Serve it with fries, with a milkshake, or both together.